Many Christian individuals may invest in deepening their relationship with God by
cultivating a practice of praying for His wisdom and guidance each day. Many
scriptures also point believers to prayer and emphasize that prayer is effective
and powerful:
● Philippians 4:6 - “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made
known to God.”
● James 5:16 - “...The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is
working.”
Christians may also intentionally pray about the hope of future relationships and
their future partner's well-being before meeting. However, once you meet your life
partner…how do you transition from praying for your spouse to praying
with your spouse?
The Daily Prayer of Examen might help. And it's not just for Catholic or Orthodox believers. Many different branches of Christianity use the Prayer of Examen.
The Daily Prayer of Examen was established by St. Ignatius of Loyola, a Spanish
theologian who emphasized spiritual techniques for reflection. According to the
Ignatian Spirituality website, the Daily Prayer of Examen was designed to be
“...a prayerful reflection on the events of the day to detect God’s presence
and discern his direction for us.” Historically, this prayerful practice is
completed alone, but it may offer several relational and spiritual benefits to
Christian couples as they slow down to:
1. Become aware of God’s presence.
2. Pay attention to their emotions.
3. Seek God’s wisdom and guidance moving forward.
You are invited to explore this practice together and reflect on the experience.
Daily Prayer of Examen for Couples
1. Ask God to be with you and your partner during this 10-minute practice, recognizing He is active and present in this moment and in your relationship and thanking Him for His perfect, enduring love. Take a moment to thank Him for how He has worked in Your relationship today or over the course of your relationship.
2. Ask for God’s grace in your relationship, praying that He will reveal Himself to both of you in today’s hopes and fears.
3. Reflect on your thoughts about the day ahead of you or perhaps the day behind you:
a. Fears: Today, what are we afraid of, God? What do we believe we are indanger of? What are you revealing to us in this experience?
b. Attachments: Today, what are we clinging to, God? How does this affect our relationship with one another and our relationship with you? What are we afraid of surrendering to You and sharing with You? What are You revealing to us in this experience?
c. Control: Today, what are we trying to control in our relationship, God? What are we scared of losing power over in our relationship? What are you revealing to us in this experience?
d. Entitlements: What do we believe we are entitled to, God? What are we demanding from You? What are you revealing to us in this experience?
4. As a couple, place these four areas—“fears,” “attachments,” “control,” and “entitlements”—in God’s loving hands, asking him to take control of them. Ask Him to do with them what He wishes in this very moment, helping You to accept and trust in His perfect plan for your relationship.
5. Perhaps you would each like to end with a silent prayer to God or pray aloud together as you finish reflecting in His presence.
How to Use This in Restoration as a Couple in Therapy
● This is best used by those who have exposure to the Examen already. If not, it's good to learn more about it first before using as a Couple. Make sure it's something that fits your faith, and your church teaching.
● Discuss scriptures that mention prayer and inquire whether the couple integrates their faith by praying together or if they would be comfortable doing this.
● Read through the five prompts of the Daily Prayer of Examen for Couples.
● Once completing the practice, ask what the experience was like. Reflect on the thoughts and feelings that came to mind as you reflected on your day before God.
● You may enjoy starting the day with this prayer or closing the day with the prayer.
● You can practice this prayer 1 to 3 times between sessions, sharing about the experience with your therapist. Schedule at least one time on the calendar. Discuss any obstacles that might hinder your shared practice.
● You can read through the prompts aloud together as you reflect, taking turns, or can each choose to read silently. Perhaps it would be helpful to set a timer to signal when they
would like to end the reflection and share insights with one another.
References:
Adapted from a 2024 Prayer of Examen created by Dr. Fernando Garzon which included the following references:
Adapted from Knabb, J., Vazquez, V., Pate, R., Garzon, F., Wang, K. (2020). Christian meditation for trauma-based rumination: A four week program, p. 31-34. Unpublished research protocol.
This five-step “Daily Examen” is adapted from https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen; Thibodeaux (2015); Colombiere (1982); Aschenbrenner (2007).
Adapted from:
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