Written by Sarah Haught, M.A., Hope Focused Certified Therapist
Many couples have experienced moments when they felt their partner didn't understand them or wished for more emotional support. Similarly, couples can recall times when they couldn't comprehend why their partner was upset. Perhaps you've also been in situations where you felt overwhelmed by your partner's distress and wanted to provide support or find a solution. Alternatively, you may have felt powerless and uncertain about how to help your partner, leading you to avoid or withdraw from such situations.
We would like to suggest that a scene from a well-known fan-favorite movie, Forrest Gump, can offer a better solution for how you can react to your partner when they are experiencing stress or expressing painful emotions.
In this portion of the movie, Forrest walks with his childhood best friend, Jenny. As they walk, her cheerful expression and lighthearted demeanor immediately fade away when they come across her childhood home.
In earlier scenes, the audience learns that Jenny had an alcoholic and abusive father who mistreated her and her sisters as children, which eventually resulted in her moving in with a different relative. The duo’s conversation quiets. Jenny walks toward the house and starts throwing rocks at it in tears and frustration until she falls down to the muddy ground, soiling her white skirt. Forrest watches Jenny in her desperation.
Rather than running away from Jenny or bombarding her with questions in an attempt to figure out how to make her feel better,
Forrest gently sits down in the dirt beside Jenny.
The audience hears his simple reflection voiced over the scene: “Sometimes, I guess there just aren’t enough rocks.”
What a powerful scene. It offers important insights for couples who might struggle to extend empathy and remain present in times when their partner is in distress. The heart of empathy is not forcing change or avoiding situations in fear - just as Forrest exemplified, it can be extended through simply being with your partner as a stable, gentle presence.
Couple Reflection Questions
When have been times when you have shown your partner empathy?
What are examples of times that you wish you would have received an empathetic response?
What are the obstacles to expressing empathy?
What has it meant to you when someone has extended empathy?
What would you perceive as an empathetic response? (What would your partner’s tone be?
Would you prefer silence or conversation? Solutions or a listening ear? Or would you simply prefer a gentle presence?)
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